Overrated movies “dime-bag intellectuals” contemplate their lives over:
1. The Matrix
Who would have thought a movie loosely based on Lewis Carroll novels, Medieval English folklore, Christian theism/atheism, the rambling philosophies of Rene Descartes, and nihilism could be such an instant cult classic? The movie about character’s whose ideal image of themselves is inconspicuously trotting around in black leather trench coats and dark sunglasses killing innocent people at random. Oh, that’s right, anyone can be a part of “the Matrix” so it’s fine to slaughter out of self-preservation. The Matrix is proof that the teenage mind will latch onto any antiestablishment idea as long as it has at least one girl wearing skintight leather pants; no matter how much she looks like a man. Yes, The chosen one is at this very moment fighting to free you from your bioelectric sleep pod; Because, in the end we’re all a bunch of batteries for the machine. Grow up.
2. American Beauty
Catering to the iconoclastic Middle American delusions of moral grandeur American Beauty shows what would happen if someone's dad went over the deep end and decided to live the life-style of a 15-year-old. Moral of the story: pretty, rich people are superficial things completely detached from the real meaning of life. It's 40-year-old pothead pedophiles working at McDonalds who have it right. Thank you Thora Birch for your golden globes
3. The Fight Club
Is your life just a steaming pile of crap? Do you feel like a conformist automaton with nothing to live for except the unending spiral of decadent spending and completely redundant possession? I have an idea, rather than randomly lashing out at people and beating yourself to a bloody pulp to feel alive again, why not get a real job? Everyone knows that salespeople are douchebags, so why do it? I'm pretty sure trespassing in a condemned house and sleeping with some broad who serially attends emotional support groups she has no business attending aren’t exactly life-justifying choices. Actually, it pretty much defines the lifestyle of a pigeon.
4. Underworld
I really wish I understood the allure of vampire culture. Let's break it down: Vampires are pretty much immortal, but severely allergic to natural light, wood, silver, fire, decapitation, running water, and anything Godly symbolic or blessed. Wow, that does sound inviting. But hey, they do have the coolest raves without drugs I've ever seen, and they sure do enjoy that industrial music. I mean how else can one walk around in a corset, cape and bad makeup without being laughed at and hit in the head with discarded fast food? Well, besides when at a transvestite convention? I guess the one piece of knowledge that I can take from Underworld is that there is no such thing as a female werewolf; that and a realization that vampires suck in a large variety of ways.